Pain

After you I feel into the abyss, losing you hurt me to the fibres of my soul, it left me mute and without strings. 

It broke me into a being that didn’t know how to live. This made it easy for me to swim in deep water, saying yes became my favourite word. I said yes to the alcohol, drugs, the bodies but not the pain. 

You left me with this wound that didn’t close, that was beating behind my heart and it haunted me with the memory of your words and tenderness. No one could retort when I drowned what I could and more in wine and beer. I didn’t have a way to avoid the smoke and the heat on winter when your disappearing act had left me clumsy and desperate. 

My excuse was the oldest and rightest of all, I had loved you 

I had loved you impulsively and demonically and you had left me in the corner with no way out.

T.A.