Desperation

I was in a desperate need to tell you I was in love with you. My lips, my tongue, my palate were in an anxious state of spelling those damn word every time I saw you. 

But you had this smile, this arrogance, this push and pull, that let my skin crawling back and I was afraid of what love meant. So I was a rollercoaster that couldn't talk and the throat liked to cut my air and leave me with this fault in my knees. 

You would leave, my voice will say it and I hoped, I prayed and bargained for you not to hear it. Because my fingers may have been in despair to let you know how you left me dying and crying. Begging for you.

I may have fallen down a rabbit hole that wasn't a dream and a delusion. Yet I wasn't made of strong bones and fibre in my body to tell you that I loved you even when I hated you. 

T.A.